Két hosszú Instagram-posztban mesélte el a 27 éves modell, Imogen Anthony, hogy mik nem látszanak az egyébként tökéletes kifutói képein.
Ezek mennek a fejemben és ki kell adnom magamból őket
– írta.
A képen még csak 23 éves, a teste azóta sokat változott. Önbizalomhiánnyal nőtt el, és egyáltalán nem volt vékony. Depresszióval küzdött, ami miatt sokszor, egészen pontosan 13-szor váltott iskolát. Kárt akart magában tenni, máskor az evésbe menekült.
A bejegyzés megtekintése az Instagramon
OK so this is gonna get deep, but i’m almost wanting to blatant and biographical about myself or to who i have been or what i have felt in the past. It’s all in my head and needs an out. My body has changed a lot since this pic (23) – i grew up w/ zero self confidence & was far from ‘skinny’. When i was depressed as a teen from changing schools constantly (13 times to be exact) i either attempted to self harm – or i turned to the bakery and ate the shit load of hot chips you got for $2 from the local shop (which was A LOT in an early circa 2000’s coastal town). I was depressed. I had been either semi ‘cool’ at some schools or horribly bullied at others (i see you) to the point of literally having no one to sit with or even talk to. The teachers did fuck all **cough Lake Munmorah **cough. Pure Hell. But either way, as i’ve stated before, i think that’s why i became the chameleon i am now. I favour no particular genre of music, & there are people that could tell you that they have known me over my life as either ‘emo’, a complete beach bum, a totally fashion enthused drama queen or that weirdo that created my own shit to walk around the suburbs in (usually with mum’s 80’s & 90’s clothes that i later realised that they were better left as they were #sorrymum) I got by though, DO NOT GET ME WRONG, there are some stories to tell and some close calls to ‘phew’ at… I definitely had my run and seized whatever moments i could, even if it meant sneaking out & getting up to mischief (i made my mother incredibly anxious). I started to rebel. I signed myself out of school mid year 11 as i initially never liked the idea of being shipped down to a country town like Bowral (where i now have a property – funny huh?) I took myself to Sydney where i lost a shit load of weight at around 17. I didn’t have anorexia (as still ate a lot, just less) i had a borderline body dismorphia and saw something different to what everyone else saw. I hated myself for a while there. Also for feeling ungrateful that i wasn’t happy either way. I still ‘modelled’ though & attempted to beat whatever anxieties i had with that mask & damn, it passed so well… still does. ‼️STAY TUNED‼️to be cont…
🦂 ᎥᎷᎧᎶᏋᏁ ♁ ᏗᏁᏖᏂᎧᏁᎩ 🦂 (@imogen_anthony) által megosztott bejegyzés, Máj 4., 2019, időpont: 5:59 (PDT időzóna szerint)
A diáktársai körében sem volt népszerű, nem ültek mellé, nem beszélgettek vele, a tanárok is magasról tettek rá
Színtiszta pokol volt
– tette hozzá.
17 éves korában aztán rengeteget fogyott,
nem anorexiás, hanem borderline testképzavarom volt, és mindent máshogy láttam, mint mások. Utáltam magamat akkor hosszú időn keresztül
– mesélte. Az egész akkor kezdődött, mikor egy fiú a hetedik osztályban azzal piszkálta, hogy pocakos. Sokáig észre sem vette, milyen komoly hatással volt ez a gúnyolódás rá.
A bejegyzés megtekintése az Instagramon
‼️ LAST POST CONTINUED ‼️ … Over time, i was getting busy, mainly preoccupied with work (and my fun) that i actually didn’t really have time to think about anxiety, and from what i remember, i loved that. I mean, who wouldn’t love being anxiety free for just a day? I can’t remember overthinking myself at all around that time. As i say, overthinking kills the cat, not necessarily curiousity **quote me on that** but I started to put the weight back on, and it was always in the back of my mind that i didn’t feel great within myself, but i wasn’t unpopular so i prevailed. Maybe signs of my body dismorphia were creeping back, and i can’t help but blame this ONE situation by a boy named Ethan A in year 7 – he teased me in front of everyone saying that ‘i had a gut’ after i finally got to wear that Jay Jay’s denim pleated skirt i wanted sooo badly on a school mufti day. I didn’t realise until later how much that fucked up my reactive mind. I wasn’t even aware of body issues until that exact moment. Reminds me of a close friend of mine who is of white skin tone and has a darker skinned South African father. I remember her telling me about the time she was in primary school and her teacher asked what it was like having a “black dad”? My friend was never aware of ‘colour’ until her TEACHER pointed it out to her, that her father was ‘black’ – almost implying that he was different to her, her own father. Think about that small example on a larger scale and what it could do for the world if we never mentioned colour to our children? Hmm. Off topic, but please think about what you say to people, especially the young and what they may carry for the rest of their lives. Words are so effective. I’m not a mother, i’m not trying to tell anyone how to suck eggs, but please do this with your children. I didn’t know this until recently. I was always taught ‘sticks & stones’, which has helped in some ways because if i was any weaker and had seen the things i had seen about myself, from people i’ve never even met, i’d be 6 foot under. I’ve come close. Why do you think i have so many tattoos on my arms? You can cover scars, but they will be there forever. Physically AND mentally.
🦂 ᎥᎷᎧᎶᏋᏁ ♁ ᏗᏁᏖᏂᎧᏁᎩ 🦂 (@imogen_anthony) által megosztott bejegyzés, Máj 4., 2019, időpont: 9:33 (PDT időzóna szerint)
Később aztán rájött, hogy nem szabad foglalkoznia az ilyenekkel, már csak azért sem, mert azóta sok sértés olyanoktól érkezik, akiket még csak soha sem látott. Ha hallgatott volna rájuk
akkor már alulról szagolnám az ibolyát. Így is közel volt. Mit gondoltok, miért van annyi tetoválás a karjaimon? El tudod takarni a hegeket, de mindig ott lesznek. Mind fizikálisan, mind mentálisan.
A hozzászólók a támogatásáról biztosították Anthonyt, egyikőjük arról ír, hogy
100-ból 99 lány, akik rád néznek, és azt kívánják, azt a szépséget, azt a magabiztosságot, ami neked van. De belül mindannyian ugyanolyanok vagyunk, néha szarnak érezzük magunkat és utáltnak. Köszönöm, hogy megosztottad!
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